Travelling America: How to both fail and win.

In 2014 I broke up with a girl I was dating and I took it quite badly. My solution to this was as stupid as ever: go overseas for an extended amount of time (this will become a theme. As an adult, I am bad at being an adult). I didn't really have a plan, I just knew I needed an extended amount of time away from the familiar. I found tickets to America for a very cheap price, booked them and then went into my bosses office and asked for 17 weeks off under the premise that if I didn't get the time, I would simply leave.

It worked.


Six weeks later, I left Australia bound for more adventures. I had booked a tour for a bit over a week with a tour company , not really wanting to do a tour but needing to fill some time.
Fortunately, I ended up with the best group of people on the planet. People who willingly participate in stuff like this:

On the left is Tim, on the right is oldmate, the middle idiot is me. We are all wearing stuff we brought in a San Fransisco second hand store and the shirt and jacket are affectionately know as my 'Tim outfit' because he encouraged me to buy them and he loves the flanalette as much as any self respecting Australian, despite being from Jersey.
I had to start this story with an unrelated prequil because this group really were the most wonderful bunch of people. So, Thank you to the amazing bunch I was with.

Then I broke myself.

In preparation for going to Alaska to climb some shit, I went to a climbing gym in Portland, Oregon and did something exceptionally stupid. This is what it looks like when you break 3 toes, shatter the bottom of your ankle and fracture 3 metatarsels (the bone that connects your ankle to your toes):

Yes, its obviously the left one. As a result of shock and drugs provided by the lovely hospital staff, I didn't think it was that bad. My doctor confirmed otherwise. For the purpose of confidentiality, we shall call him 'Doctor'. Our first conversation was very formal, but our second was not so much so. It went like this:

Doctor: So, what are your plans?
Me: I'm going climbing in Alaska.
Doctor: No...you're not.
Me: Yeah I am.
Doctor: Do you know how hurt you are?
Me: I think just a sprain.
Doctor:You could not be more wrong.
Me: Oh...fuck...really?
Doctor: Yes. Now let me tell you a story.
Me: (high as hell on morphine at this point): SURE! I LOVE STORIES!
Doctor: My son got very sick in Australia, he was on dialasis for 13 days.
Me: Oh...
Doctor: He thought he was hungover, jetlagged from the flight from India and tired. A family stopped him in the padestrian mall in Perth and said 'Mate, its 35°C, you're shivering and you are yellow. Get in the car, we're taking you to hospital'

He was fine eventually, but had nowhere to stay and didn't know anyone in Perth, which is the remotest capital city on the planet by the way.
The family had gotten his name, his doctors name and showed up when he got discharged and said 'Hi mate, we know you don't know us, but we have a bed for you, internet, airconditioning and we will have you as long as you need to be able to get back to family'

Me: Im so glad Australia was good to him!

Doctor: My wife and I believe in paying it forward.

Me: Awesome!

Doctor: You don't get it do you?

Me: Get what?

Doctor: I've already called her, you're more than welcome to stay with us if you would like.

Me: haha...wait...pardon?

Doctor: You'll have a room, your own bathroom, internet, I'll help you get the best orthapedic surgeon I can and you'll have nothing to worry about. 

Me: Are you fucking serious?

Doctor: Yes.

Me: Yes.

They took amazing care of me. Every meal cooked for me and every morning I would wake up to freshly brewed tea, coffee, fresh fruit, oatmeal and honey set out on the kitchen bench.

Then it gets weirder.

On the third day, Doctor comes up to me and says 'Hey..I need to ask you something.'

My immediate thought: 'Oh man he is going to ask to fuck me.'

Instead, this exchange happened:

Doctor: We think similarly right? Similar values, Ideals etc.?

Me: Yeah...we both lean left, are pretty green, politically oriented.

Doctor: So uhhh if I ask you something, can we keep it between us?

At this point I am thinking of making my escape, but I am on crutches and don't have a chance, even against a man in his mid 60s.

Me: ummm...sure

Doctor: Do you want to smoke some weed?

Me: YES. ALL MY YES.

From that day until the day I left a week later, every morning I would wake up to freshly brewed tea, coffee, fresh fruit, oatmeal and honey set out on the kitchen bench...and a freshly rolled joint.

I spent my birthday with them like this:

They are still some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.

To finish, I didn't need surgery, soldiered on with a moon boot and met up with my old tour group in Las Vegas, where more interesting decisions came about.