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Good advice

Life advice time.


A friend of mine 'B' recently asked for advice on social media. She had recently bought a car under finance from the dealer and realized it was too small for her needs. She wanted to find out her options.

Enter 'D', whom I don't know personally who had some advice including an insurance policy and some fire. Then we went from there.

N.B. This is not an encouragement to commit a crime nor an endorsement of it, this is a person I don't know and I being assholes. My interjections and explanations are in bold.

The exchange went like this:



D: Go in to the middle of nowhere, like far far away. Burn your car. Wait till police come and say they found it as it was stolen.

Me:  I like this guy and the way he thinks.
 
B: I really don't have the time to by burning cars and not having a car, I'll lose my job.


D: Your ideas are more logical though

Me:  I'm flying back soon enough, I'll do it for $50 and a carton.

B: I live in XXXXX lol


Me:I know: STOPOVER TIME!

D: I'll do it I'm down only until this Saturday I'll do it for free just let me burn that son of a bitch and give me a ride back

B: Lol hahaha of course you would D.

D: What can I say I'm ruthless!
 
Me: This sounds fun. I want in. I'll fly back thursday and we can torch some shit. I don't even need to see family, I just wanna set a FIYA

B: Guys don't make me be the adult!! There will be no fire lol

D: Fire fire fire fire!!!!!
(A Beavis and Butthead video of them wielding chainsaws was attached to this message)

Me: I'll adult it up if you want. I have safety glasses and a bucket that could be filled with water or if things don't go well the first time, petrol. Oh, I also have steel-caps, should I need to kick out the fire if it goes awry.

D: Steel caps to dent the car and more petrol to make it look like a stolen car. We got this B just leave the car unblock we will smash the window though too once we get to location

B: Awesome hahah

D: Glad to hear a change of heart B.

Me: Can we involve a chainsaw? The Beavis and butthead clip got me psyched for a chainsaw. We can torch that after too. OH shit we will also need a stereo for a sweet soundtrack. Probably slayer or pantera or something. We can also torch this.

D: Raining blood cranking full speed as you try and cut the roof off.



Enter new contributor, ‘M’.

M: Go talk to the bank, they will tell you.

Me: Hey D, we just got named 'the bank'. Sweet nickname hey?

Enter new contributor, ‘T’.

T: Don't forget to delete this post just in case you have friends in insurance ðŸ˜‚

Me: All good, We can torch their cars as blackmail. Don't mess with 'The Bank'.

B: Hahaha it's definitely not happening

Me: Obviously, I'm just an asshole with an insane sense of humor. Or am I?
  
B: Just a wildly vivid imagination I'd say

Me:That too. IDEA: TWO CHAINSAWS. I can also breathe fire. Before I do it just dial '00' then if I fuck up, dial another '0'. Also, bring HEAPS of band-aids.

(000 is the Australian emergency services, I stole this from Mrs Skinner on The Simpsons)

Me: Let's get an ABN (register as a business in Australia). Then we can file the petrol under 'business expense.' See, manics can be business-savvy too.



I'm clearly especially stupid when I have a partner in stupidity. Luckily, this happens often.

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